


All By Myself

by SAMURAl



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24558688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SAMURAl/pseuds/SAMURAl
Summary: A quiet, normal day for Gou is quickly interrupted by thoughts he didn't think would have returned. Memories of the old days in the playground turn out to be a bit too much for him to handle.
Relationships: Gou | Goh & Satoshi | Ash Ketchum
Comments: 5
Kudos: 63





	All By Myself

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: THIS INVOLVES BLOOD (barely) AND HINTS AT SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. PLEASE CLICK OFF AND DON'T READ IF THOSE ARE TRIGGERING TO YOU.

**_“Hey look, it’s the lone-Gou!”_ **

_ Oh great, why now of all times? _ Stopping in his tracks he stood in the middle of the kitchen, taking a deep breath and shaking his head, brows furrowing as he continued to head over to the sink. Putting his dirty bowl in he searched for the sponge and dish soap, grabbing both before turning on the hot water, mixing in some cold to balance it out enough. Getting the soap onto the sponge he then began to clean the dishes, scrubbing until bubbles filled the cups and bowls to rinse them out afterwards.

**_Every kid in what seemed to be the entire schoolyard began to talk, girls learning over to gossip with one another while guys proudly stated what they found weird or off about him._ **

Yet again he had to pause for a moment, hands going still as he stared down at the slowly filling pan, biting his lower lip with trembling teeth. Blood. Crimson red peeked from bottom of mouth, blooming to the surface, not realizing how hard he had pressed until the iron taste was on his tongue. “Ah fuck!” Cursing to himself he quickly licked it away, only feeling more rise.

**_“Doesn’t that kid live alone or something? Do you think he’s an orphan?”_ **

**_A girl asked one of the guys who was currently having a laughing fit over the situation, poking his shoulder until he turned to look her way. Hearing her question he simply gave a smirk, scoffing and shaking his head no._ **

**_“Nah, his parents just like being at work more than around him. I mean, if I had a kid like him, I wouldn’t wanna be with him either.”_ **

“Shut up!” Yelling out Gou slammed his fist onto the counter, quickly hissing out in pain and retracting almost immediately, regret filling him to the core.  _ Just forget about it, already!  _ Gritting his teeth the boy focused himself on the dishes once again, ignoring the thoughts quick to fill his thoughts. Grabbing the overflowing pan he began to roughly scrub the sides, shaky breaths falling from him.

**_Looking around Gou found himself at a distance from everyone else, everyone else but the kid who spoke up first. Disconnected. He’s always felt this way around other kids. It didn’t make sense, why was he different? What was wrong with him? Was it his brain? His looks? His voice?_ **

Dropping the sponge into the sink he quickly rinsed out the pan, making sure all bubbles were ridden of before setting it into the dryer rack a bit rougher than intended, wincing at the loud clang as it hit the other dishes inside. “Can I just get this done and over with, already?” Grumbling he went back to washing the dishes, taking care of the cups and other bowls, now left with the silverware. Grabbing forks and spoons he made sure to scrub the stuck food off of them, recognizing most of them as his own from yesterday and today. Then he picked up a dirty knife.

**_“His parents are never home, right? They wouldn’t even notice if he went missing!”_ **

**_Laughing. The sound of it made him feel sick to the core, color draining from his eyes and thoughts stilling, feet frozen to the concrete. They wouldn’t…_ **

**_“Yes they would!”_ **

**_Immediately one of the bigger kids stepped infront of him, knees trembling and threatening to give out at this point, throat tightening as he stared up at him with fear._ **

**_“Kid, they could care less what happens to you.”_ **

_ They could care less what happens to me. _ Staring down at the sharp metal, Gou felt a familiar feeling rise above the sorrow and anger, dulling any emotion within him. Nothing. Both his feelings and existence. “They could care less.” Whispering to himself he let go of the sponge, all other sounds drowning out from his ears. The water didn’t register, the droplets hitting the steel simply fading away, voices filling the silence for him.

**_“You’re a burden to ‘em. They’d be happier without you, why else would they be away at work so much?”_ **

He didn’t bother blocking the words out, instead allowing them to fill his head and multiply, the toxicity taking over any logicality in his mind. “They’d be happier…” Backing away from the sink he continued to stare at the knife, slowly turning it over in his hand, seeing his empty eyes in the reflection. That wasn’t a person, just a mistake. A freak-accident. His heart-rate sped up, hands shaking as he stretched his arms out, both hands grasping the handle. Taking a deep breath, only one last thought entered his head…

**_“You stand back, Gou! If you’re fighting, then so am I!”_ **

The sound of the knife hitting the kitchen floor then registered into his head, the bright blue rushing into his eyes along with tears, trembling as he raised both his hands over his mouth. Backing away he looked at the object in horror, streams of pain running down his cheeks, unable to close his eyes. Now, the memories of Satoshi’s words filled his head, drowning out all else besides the shame and hurt.

**_“I can tell that your parents really love you…”_ **

**_Speaking with a fond tone Satoshi’s expression was filled with admiration as he looked out the apartment window, the two having spent the night after visiting due to another snow day, everyone else out of the house. Hearing this Gou was taken out of his entrance of his hot cocoa, almost spitting it out before able to swallow, looking over at the boy._ **

**_“What makes you say that?”_ **

**_After asking the question, he couldn’t help but feel stupid with the laugh Satoshi proceeded to give, head lowering as his gaze dropped to the floor. When noticing this the boy quickly stopped, apologizing and reassuring him._ **

**_“I wasn’t laughing because of anything bad, just that you haven’t noticed yet. The way they smiled when getting those gloves, how happy they were to be with you again, and just really everything that I’ve seen them do for you!”_ **

They… they loved him. They always loved him! So then… why was his head telling him differently? Glancing back at the knife he felt more tears spilling, memories of his parents not rushing in. The joy on their faces when they were with him… those couldn’t have been fake. They weren’t fake, what those kids said back in school were! “Why is it still bothering me, then?” Loudly crying out Gou’s voice cracked, hands now covering his face as he choked on his sobs.

It didn’t take long before his knees gave out from under him, collapsing to sit on the floor with a hard and painful thud, ignoring the throbbing sting though as he continued to weep. The next sound was the apartment door opening with a creak, not bothering to move as footsteps rapidly approached him. “Gou, I got us some… Gou! Gou, what’s wrong?” Feeling a hand on his shoulder he flinched at first, slowly relaxing under the warm touch, hiccuping as he slowly calmed down. “It’s me, Satoshi... “

_ Wait, Satoshi…? _ Wiping his cheeks he pulled his hands away from his face, looking up at the boy in both shock and surprise, moving closer to him rather than away. “What are you doing here? I thought you were working on battles.” Croaking out from the sobs Gou tried to keep himself composed, knowing his eyes were puffy and his nose was most likely snotty. Ew.

“I was bringing some food, but… what’s wrong?” 

**_“Nobody’s here for you, lone-Gou!”_ **

“I’m here for you, Gou…”

The soft sweet voice brought even harder tears to him, eyes meeting Satoshi’s for just a moment before he broke down again, shaking as he buried his face into the other’s chest. Immediately arms were wrapped around him, both of them sat on the floor now, hands gently pulling Gou closer. Broken boy was now being cradled in the trainer’s lap, the collector’s hands finding their way to tightly clutch the back of the other’s vest.

**_“Who’d even bother wasting time on this loser?”_ **

For what felt like the first time in a while, Gou let it all out, the walls he had spent so long building up crumbling with just a single touch. Fingers tenderly rubbed up and down his back, soothing him as he heavily cried, small  _ shh _ ’s and  _ it’s okay _ ’s whispered to him. Satoshi didn’t ask what was wrong, instead choosing to focus on helping his friend feel better, embrace growing tight as he kept him even closer. He’d never seen Gou this sad before, and he wanted to do whatever he could to help.

After what felt like ages to Gou, he finally stopped the streams of tears down his cheeks, hiccups now replacing the cries. He expected Satoshi to pull them to stand and go about the day as normal, but instead he was still held in the embrace, hands moving to rest on his shoulders, pulling back enough to look up at him. “Satoshi, I…”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, Gou.” Giving a warm smile the boy felt himself growing warm, unable to stop the smile growing on his own lips. Hiccuping, he then gave a small laugh before another interrupted him, shaking his head and wiping his cheeks again. “You feeling hungry? A good cry always gets my tummy rumbling!” Happily exclaiming Satoshi offered Gou something to eat, smile growing even brighter with the laughs he heard from that.

It was like the sun finally came into the room, going from empty and hurt to filled with joy and warmth, breathing in the happy aura that Satoshi seemed to radiate. “Yeah, I’d like that... thank you.” Quietly answering him Gou felt his throat ache a bit, not minding it though in the moment. Now he felt Satoshi moving away from him, about to grow worried before watching him stand up, holding a hand out for him to grab. Instead he reached up and gently grabbed onto his wrist, Satoshi doing the same and holding his, helping pull him up off of the floor. When back onto his feet Gou didn’t let go at first, something telling him to keep holding on, deciding to just wait until the other boy did.

But he didn’t. Not once did he make any indication he planned on releasing the wrist from his hold, and that’s when it struck him yet again. Satoshi was there for him. Walking over to the sink again the trainer turned the sink off, leaning down to pick the knife up from off the floor and back in with the dirty dishes. Now pulling Gou with him still he went over to the door to the apartment, shutting it and picking the bag he dropped up off the floor, waving it with a small giggle. “Let’s eat!”

Gently squeezing Satoshi’s wrist his gaze grew fond, heart racing as he let it truly sink in yet again. He wasn’t alone anymore. He wasn’t the kid getting bullied on the playground, he was the kid making world-breaking discoveries. He was a Sakuragi research fellow. He was Satoshi’s friend, and that’s all that he could have ever asked for. Satoshi was there.

_ Satoshi was there for him. _

__ _ He was there, and he wasn’t letting go. _

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this in like one night and a bit more this morning, so if it seems a bit slapped together that's why!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed, and if you have any constructive critiques feel free to let me know! <3


End file.
